"I can't, Emmett. I—can't go back."
"Then we are clearly not ready for any sort of commitment."
"Wait. You won't agree to—to us—unless I come to Indiana?"
"I won't," Emmett said. "It's all feeling a little one-sided to me, and I'm not okay with that."
"You don't understand."
"I do understand, Toby. I was there for everything that makes you afraid of that place."
"Yes. You were," Toby said, taking Emmett's hand in his. "But my concerns about going back have nothing to do with you."
"Maybe they should have something to do with me."
"That's—" Toby pulled his hand away. "That's not fair."
"It really is," Emmett said. He reached across the table for Toby's hand again. "Please?" Toby took his hand and Emmett squeezed, holding on as if he might never let go. "We experienced a great tragedy together. And while Scotty's parents lost their son, no one felt the things we felt. No one else woke up screaming and sweating when we heard the sounds of the crash in our sleep."
"Emmett—"
"No one else knew the fear of maybe never walking again. No one else lost weight and a semester of school because he might get thrown in jail. No one else felt the things we felt together. That's all ours. As much as you want to, you cannot take me out of the equation."
"But, that's just it, Em. I don’t want to feel those things again. I cannot walk back into that—that darkness."
Emmett pulled their joined hands to his lips and kissed Toby’s knuckles. "You already have. You have been so enamored—you've practically spent this entire week making love to my scars. You're there. And it's not so dark anymore."
"No, because you're whole again. You're not broken anymore."
Emmett saw it, then. He saw in the way Toby had almost obsessed over the ridiculous tattoo and Emmett's scars, as if begging for them to also bring him the powers that Derek had wished upon Emmett's body those years ago. He saw it in Toby's insistence that they start all over as if the accident never happened, as if the years of silence weren't strung between them like a rope and plank bridge connecting two separate lands.
So he said it. To give it power. To make it a truth they shared—like their shared tragedy. "And you still are. Broken."
Toby nodded, grasping at Emmett's fingers like a lifeline. "I'm so—" He took a deep, shuddering breath. "I'm so exhausted making sure no one knows."
"Oh, Toby." All the more reason “trying again” was a bad idea. Unready to let go, Emmett kissed Toby's fingers again. "Then come to my home," Emmett offered, trite as it sounded in his own ears. "I've remodeled the master and made a party room in my basement for the kids."
"You've never told me—"
"It's beautiful, really. It's on a couple of acres, and the back of the property is lined with a stream you can hear from the kitchen when the windows are open. It's very peaceful. It sounds like you need some peace."
"You deserve a beautiful life."
"So let me share it with you. At least think about it?"
Toby nodded and began to clean up. "Will you still come see me in San Francisco after school's out?"
"I don't know. I'd really like an answer before I agree to see you again."
"Okay. I'm sorry it's not as easy as it should be."
"I am too, Toby. Being with you was always so easy."
Today I’m very lucky to be interviewing Lynn Charles author of Black Dust.
Hi Lynn, thank you for agreeing to this interview. Tell us a little about yourself, your background, and your current book.
I'm happy to be here! I’m an author, wife and mother living in Central Ohio. I’ve been writing—from lavish journal entries to fictional stories—most of my life. My first novel, Chef's Table, was published in December 2014 with Interlude Press. Black Dust is about a couple who, fifteen years after a tragic car accident tore them apart, are given a second chance to heal and to love.
Are any of your characters inspired by people you know in your life? How and in what aspects?
Emmett, the high school choir director in Black Dust, and his co-worker, Mac, are an amalgamation of my high school choir director, my high school band director, various college professors, and a little sprinkling of me. I sort of tossed all of those people's features into a jar and poured out Emmett and Mac. Emmett wears a waistcoat to work every day, and loves his toys—his electronics and tech to help him teach his students in ways that will maintain their interest. He also expects the best and not one drop less than the best from his students. Mac takes no crap from anyone, expects nothing shy of 150% effort, but will also bring you a box of cookies to share when you need to sit down and pour your heart out to her.
Are there any issues that resonate personally with you that you touch on in your writing?
Yes, Emmett's inability to totally trust Toby, his underlying fear and worry throughout the book. My situation was completely different—in fact, I was on the "not trusted" end of the stick, even though I had done nothing to break the trust of the accuser. I had to get into the head of the accuser to make it work and it was a generally unpleasant place to be.
Was it always your dream to become a writer?
I was always shooting for music—until I wasn't. But even then, I had been on the hunt for a good creative writing course in junior high and high school. I never found it—the only creative writing course in high school was actually the school newspaper. It was journalism. Once I had a break in my career, I found writing to be a way to express myself creatively, and the bug to make it a profession began to tickle.
If you could become one of your characters who would you become and why?
Emmett, for sure. He's doing what I was shooting for and gloriously missed achieving for an assortment of reasons—mostly because I wasn't wired to be a public school teacher. So, it might be nice to have the skills necessary to be able to revisit that idea and see how I'd manage.
Which of your characters would you like to spend a week on a desert island with?
Malik Nagi, without question. One, he's hot. And I'm shallow like that. Two, he's strong and could provide while I lounge on the beach and drink Mai Tai's. Three, he's bi, so we could indulge in our own fun. Four, he's fictional, so my husband really wouldn’t be affected at all.
Lynn Charles earned her degree in music education and for many years performed and directed choral music. When she’s not writing, she can be found strolling through local farmers markets near her home in Central Ohio in search of ingredients for new recipes. Her novel Chef’s Table was published in 2014 by Interlude Press.
2 comments:
Thank you so much for having me today!
Congrats, and best of luck with your book. I love the cover.
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