Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts

June 10, 2015

Release Day Blitz- Excerpt & Giveaway! The Consequences of Revenge, Consequences #2 by Rachel Van Dyken




After losing his best friend to another guy, the notoriously too-confident Max Emory suddenly feels lost. He may have devastatingly good looks, an abundance of charm, and a claim to one of the biggest hotel empires around, but he has no ambition anymore. So when his fed-up friends decide they’ve had enough of his moping, they sign him up to be the next bachelor on the reality series Love Island. And between his pride and his forged signature on an ironclad contract, Max just can’t say no. Now he’s stranded in paradise with twenty-four women, oneterrifying goat, and Becca, the breathtaking barista who already turned him down back home. The closer Max gets to Becca, the more determined he becomes to win her over. As she gets to know him better, things start heating up. But is Becca really after Max’s heart—or is she after the cash prize she could claim once the cameras stop rolling?

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“And . . .” She held up her hand like she was doing a damn countdown! “You’re kind of, like . . .” She leaned forward and whispered, “A bit . . .” Her eyes teased. “Metro.”


“As in . . . ,” I baited her.

“Feminine,” she snapped. “Yup, that’s the word. And Max, I mean that in the nicest way possible.”

“You mean . . .” I licked my lips, then slapped the water. “In the kindest way you can possibly say it, ‘Oh, look, Max has boobs’? Or you mean it in the way that says I lack the proper sexual magnetism to get your engine going?”

Becca rolled her eyes. “Hey, I didn’t come here to fight. I was just going to go over our date for tomorrow without the watchful eyes of Big Brother.”

“Hmm.” She was looking down at her feet. So I did what any desperate man who’d just been insulted in the worst way possible would do. I grabbed her feet, dragged her into the water, creating a huge splash, and then, when her head popped up for air, I gave her something else.

My tongue.

Kissing Becca could become a very nice, very addicting . . . pastime. Her lips were soft, pliant, but her hands were beating against my chest. Ah, classic move. Listen up, men: women fight us because they’re expected to. They have to put up the fight so they don’t come off as easy. So the next time a girl hits you in the chest, go with it, kiss her harder. It just means she wants more, especially when her chest is heaving and her tongue is doing . . . that. Yeah, exactly. Oh. Hell. Damn. Kill me now. When her tongue is doing that? Becca’s tongue pushed against mine and then she sucked.

I felt said sucking all the way through my body.

When she stopped fighting me, I wrapped my arms around her neck, pulling her as close against me as I could, and then pulled away.

Her eyes furrowed with confusion as she tried to lean forward.

I pulled back again, and swam her over to the ladder.

“Thanks, Becca,” I whispered. “I needed a little motivation.”

“M-motivation?”

“Game on.” I helped her up and followed. “And by the way . . .” I grabbed her hands and moved her flat palms from my chest all the way down to my waist. “I’m anything but feminine. Have a good night.” As I walked away, I did what any sane man would do. I paused so she could get her fill and realize that yes, I was, in fact, still naked. And when I heard her gasp, I turned around and saluted her in more ways than one.

Point. Max.


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Rachel Van Dyken is the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, and USA Today Bestselling author of regency and contemporary romances. When she's not writing you can find her drinking coffee at Starbucks and plotting her next book while watching The Bachelor. She keeps her home in Idaho with her Husband, adorable son, and two snoring boxers! She loves to hear from readers! Want to be kept up to date on new releases.

Text MAFIA to 66866! You can connect with her on Facebook or join her fan group Rachel's New Rockin Readers. Her website is www.rachelvandykenauthor.com





May 26, 2015

Release Day Review! Color Me Crazy by Carol Pavliska



Never fall for a rockstar...

Julian Wheaton views the world through a kaleidoscope of synesthesia, seeing the colors of every sound he hears. His life as an iconic rock guitarist was a stressful psychedelic trip that nearly destroyed him. Now he’s abandoned the rock ’n’ roll lifestyle for the peaceful sanctity of his recording studio, but when fiery Cleo Compton comes to work for him, she brings chaos with her.

Cleo Compton has had her flings with rockstars—and it’s left her wary and bruised. Julian may have those sexy bedroom eyes and drool-worthy tattoos, but Cleo is determined to keep things strictly professional—until Julian turns out to be every dream she’s ever chased. When he risks it all to hit the road with a band again, Cleo fears he’ll return as the one thing she can no longer abide—a rockstar.


Julian tingled all over. His vision was clouded with colors that weren’t even associated with sounds. A guitar would help.

Cleo was killing him. It was time to power through the outer edges of lust and get to the eye of the storm. In other words, to where reality set in and her endless faults irritated him instead of turning him on.

She had moved in under the guise of working until she could get back on her feet. Nobody had come out and said that, but it was the unspoken understanding. Instead, she was working her sweet little ass off and doing a bang-up job. And if that weren’t bad enough, he fucking liked her. And he didn’t want to like her.

He sat on the bed and reached for his faithful Fender. Predictably, it was already plugged into an amp. He liked predictable. He ordered his life around it. And now Cleo had muddied it all up by barging into his life—and his heart— uninvited.

That had only happened once before, and it had been disastrous.

He ran his fingers over the tattoos on his forearm, feeling the small scars beneath the ink. If only everything in his past was as easy to hide.

He leaned back against the headboard, letting the weight of the guitar settle into his lap. If he was patient, a song would come.

At first, it was a single turquoise note, but he quickly teased a rainbow out of it. A few sexy thoughts of Cleo were teased up as well, and he settled the guitar lower on his hips. His head sank back as a melodic strain poured through him. The instrument moaned in ecstasy as he bent a note up, coaxing, enticing, and sweet-talking a candy-apple wail out of it before bringing it down with a shudder.

With Cleo in mind, he tickled the strings and stroked the neck, caressing a deep, mellow tone from somewhere inside the guitar’s polished wood. He raised his hips and built a crescendo, bringing the guitar to a fucking scream. He’d like to make Cleo scream…

“Knock, knock. Julian?”

With a pathetic flat wail, he tossed the guitar aside and hastily sat up.

“Excuse me,” Cleo said, exploding into a scarlet blush. “I’m sorry…”

“I was just playing guitar,” he stammered. Not wanking off.



This book is awesome!! There’s no other way to describe it. 

I can honestly say I was hooked from the beginning.

Cleo is the kind of girl that seems to find trouble, or trouble finds her at every step. 

She’s funny, smart, sweet but also impulsive.

Julian is a rock star who’s trying to get his life back on track and who has an unusual quality- he’s a synesthete. He can actually see music.

The chemistry between these two is off the charts and their journey to HEA will have you in tears from laughing so hard. 

I’m usually reluctant when it comes to reviewing debut novels but Carol did a wonderful job.

The writing style is brilliant, the characters are a little bit crazy and a little bit flawed but perfect in their imperfection and it will be so easy to fall in love with them.

The story is fast paced and captivating and it will definitely leave you craving more. This is one novel you don’t want to miss, trust me.

What a great debut into the literary world. Congratulations, Carol! Cannot wait to read the next book!

Happy Reading!!




Carol Pavliska began her writing career as a family humor columnist and blogger, a pursuit she abandoned when her children grew old enough to realize they were being exploited. To save them from further embarrassment, she turned to writing fiction. Her debut novel is a steamy contemporary romance so, unfortunately, the children are still embarrassed.
Carol and her husband, both diehard Red Hot Chili Peppers fans, raise their vegan brood of mortified offspring on a cattle ranch in south Texas. No lie.



April 28, 2015

Release Day Review! Overruled, The Legal Briefs #1 by Emma Chase



Emma Chase, New York Times bestselling author of the Tangled Series, returns with the first installment of the Legal Briefs Series. 

As a DC defense attorney, Stanton Shaw keeps his head cool, his questions sharp, and his arguments irrefutable. They don’t call him the Jury Charmer for nothing – with his southern drawl, disarming smile and captivating green eyes – he’s a hard man to say no to. Men want to be him and women want to be thoroughly cross examined by him.

Stanton’s a man with a plan. And for a while, life was going according to that plan.

Until the day he receives an invitation to the wedding of his high school sweetheart and mother of his beloved ten-year old daughter. Jenny is getting married — to someone who isn’t him.

That's definitely not part of the plan.
***
Sofia Santos is a city raised, no-nonsense litigator who plans to become the most revered criminal defense attorney in the country. She doesn’t have time for relationships or distractions.

But when Stanton, her "friend with mind-blowing benefits" begs for help, she finds herself out of her element, out of her depth, and obviously out of her mind. Because she agrees to go with him – to The-Middle-Of-Nowhere, Mississippi – to do all she can to help Stanton win back the woman he loves. 

Her head tells her she's crazy...and her heart says something else entirely.
*** 
What happens when you mix a one stop-light town, two professional arguers, a homecoming queen, four big brothers, some Jimmy Dean sausage and a gun-toting Nana? 

The Bourbon flows, passions rise and even the best laid plans get overruled by the desires of the heart.


Fans of Tangled, you better prepare yourselves because you’re in for one hell of a ride in Emma’s new series, The Legal Briefs.

Defense attorney Stanton Shaw has struggled hard to have the position he occupies. He’s made sacrifices and lost important events in his daughter’s life but now he can afford to offer her anything she likes.

His relationship with Jenny has been complicated ever since he left for college and it’s about to become even more so because she has news he never expected to hear.

Sofia has been taught to always fight for what she wants. She strong, determined and she knows what she wants and how to get it.

Her “relationship” with Stanton is easy and convenient and it suits both of them, and the chemistry between the two is off the charts. They sure know how to raise the temperature in a room. Phew!

Neither is looking for something serious and what they have is devoid of any kind of complications.

Or so they think because, all of a sudden, things become all kinds of complicated and awkward when Sofia gives in and agrees to accompany Stanton to Mississippi.

Moment of honesty here – after reading the Tied series I was so afraid I won’t like Overruled, that it won’t raise up to the challenge. Boy, was I wrong. I’ve been laughing my head off from beginning to end.

This book has everything you can think of- funny, charming, strong and sexy characters, insanely hilarious situations, passion, romance, just the right amount of drama to keep things interesting and, did I mention the hot guys? No? Why, yes, there’s a lot of eye candy for your imagination ladies. 

I am so glad I gave this book a chance and I cannot wait to get my hands on Sustained.

Mrs. Chase, I stand in awe. Brilliant!

Happy Reading!!





By day, Emma Chase is a devoted wife and mother of two who resides in a small, rural town in New Jersey. By night she is a keyboard crusader, toiling away the hours to bring her colorful characters and their endless antics to life. She has a long standing love/hate relationship with caffeine. 

Emma is an avid reader. Before her children were born she was known to consume whole books in a single day. Writing has also always been a passion and with the 2013 release of her debut romantic comedy, Tangled, the ability to now call herself an author is nothing less than a dream come true.



April 27, 2015

Book Promo & Giveaway! End Game, Fate #4 by Emersyn Vallis

Once upon time, there were two girls living their lives completely unaware of one another and the dangerous game they had been placed in…

Until Fate found them…

Fate saved them, made them stronger & with time, Fate brought them together to become friends rather than enemies…

Until a cruel Queen made her move, threatened the Knight,

And an innocent Pawn was sacrificed…

Now the game is in our hands…

Fate might have set us up for this… but we control the moves now…

And we have our own plan.

Revenge.







Emersyn Vallis is a first time author with Adjournment being the first book in the Fated Series. Currently residing on the east coast with her husband and three children she is typically mistaken for being quiet and reserved her friends often describe her as a spastic spider monkey and always the first to be there with her quick wit to pull you back up when you’re feeling down. After reading as a hobby for most of her life it wasn’t until she had discovered R. L. Mathewson’s ‘Neighbor from Hell Series’ and Tara Sivec’s ‘Playing with Fire Series’ that she came up with the idea to fuse comedy and suspense together and her passion for writing was born.




April 21, 2015

Happy Release Day! Excerpt & Giveaway: The Consequences of Loving Colton, Consequence #1 by Rachel Van Dyken

It’s all fun and games…until someone’s heart is broken.

They’re not kids anymore, but Milo Caro is certain that Colton Mathews will only see her as his best friend’s little sister for the rest of their lives. After all, he made that clear the night before she left for college. But four years later, her brother is getting married and Colt’s the best man—and guess who is the best man’s last-minute date?

Milo vows to use the wedding to either claim the smoldering firefighter’s heart or douse this torch for good. When Max—her best friend from college, who may be carrying a torch of his own—crashes the party, they devise a plan to make Colt see what he’s missing. But after Colt catches on, he decides to cook up his own revenge.

Now it’s personal. Colt and Milo are at war, and between Max’s questionable acting methods, an unfortunate trip to jail, and a maniacal fiancée, what could possibly go right?


“What the hell is wrong with you?” Max gave me a tender shove. “We were fine until you started stepping on my foot and elbowing me!”

“You were hitting on my mom!”

“She’s a beautiful lady!” he argued.

“Oh, my gosh.” I fell into one of the chairs and moaned. “This is a catastrophe.”

“Not true.” Max shook his head. “You just have to be more believable. I mean, would it kill you to find me screw-worthy?”

“Screw-worthy? What does that even mean?”

“That’s it.” Max grabbed my hand and pulled me down the hall. “Where’s the bathroom?”

“Uh . . .” I pointed.

With a jerk he had me in the bathroom under the stairs and closed the door. Words and sounds were coming out of his mouth but I couldn’t make anything out. Max pushed me against the door and pointed his finger in my face. “I’m going to kiss you, damn it, and you’re going to like it. And I’m going to take off my shirt and you’re going to manhandle me, and you’re going to stop being so damn nervous or so help me God I’m going to bend you over that sofa in the living room and spank your sexy ass.”

Shocked, I was paralyzed in place. “Where did that come from?”

“Inside.” Max looked at me and smirked. “I have lots of feelings and I’m sick and tired of you looking at me like I don’t have a penis. I may be used to your innocence but for my own pride at least try to be attracted to me. Now close your damn eyes.”

“Stop cursing at me.”

“Stop being difficult! I’m trying to help you. And stop squirming. Shit, take a Xanax or something.”

“Max.” I closed my eyes and huffed. “This isn’t going to—”

My hand was on something hard.

I blinked my eyes open.

Since when did he have a six-pack?

I tilted my head, you know, to get a better look. His skin was really smooth but bumpy, each muscle defined so much that there was enough of a ridge for my hands to play with.

“Oh, look, he’s a man after all,” Max said, sounding bored. “I’m not your sexless friend. I’m not your damn brother. I’m not your gay friend. And I sure as hell am not thinking about anything right now except that your hands feel really good against my skin. So I’m going to kiss you, and you’re going to respond like the idea of my mouth on yours doesn’t make you want to cry—and you’ll like it.”

“I’ll like it,” I repeated.

“There’s my girl.” His eyes flashed, and then he was kissing me again, only this time his body was on fire as it pressed against me. I felt every ridge of his abs; the length of his body was beyond devastating.



Rachel Van Dyken is the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, and USA Today Bestselling author of regency and contemporary romances. When she's not writing you can find her drinking coffee at Starbucks and plotting her next book while watching The Bachelor.
She keeps her home in Idaho with her Husband and their snoring Boxer, Sir Winston Churchill. She loves to hear from readers! You can follow her writing journey at www.rachelvandykenauthor.com



April 13, 2015

Book Promo: Excerpt & Giveaway! Unpredictable by Shantel Tessier


My niche in life is being an asshole. It suits me. I’m that guy who jokes about love and how settling down is overrated. Why would a guy ever fall for one woman when you can have as many as you want? Makes no sense to me.

But if being a cop has taught me anything, it’s that life is unpredictable. And that is exactly what Katherine is. The woman makes me question my sanity on a daily basis. Sometimes she makes me want to keep her to myself; other times, she makes me want to jump off a cliff just to get away from her.

Yet I still find myself turning into that little pussy I said I’d never be. Showing up on her front door holding flowers, only to have her throw them at me. Calling just to say hello, only for her to press ignore. Yeah, I’ve become a pussy all right. A whipped one at that. At first she was a challenge, but now I don’t like the fact that she is playing hard to get. But when someone comes after me, threatens my job, my life. It’s her that stands by my side. It’s her who has to pay for my sins. And it’s her who I’m threatened to lose. One thing that you need to know about me is that I'll fight for what I believe in. And I believe in her more than myself.

What’s that saying? Boy meets girl and the rest is history…Well, those who fuck with what is mine, will become history.



I sit at the wedding party table and watch the lovely couple smile at one another as they eat their cake. It’s sickening. 

I can’t get my mind off the beautiful yet bitchy woman sitting next to me. She is having a much easier time ignoring me. But she did admit earlier that she was a good faker. I try to get up the courage to speak to her by taking another drink of my wine. I don’t need the liquid courage to actual speak to her; I need it to keep me calm from being a dick, which is what I do so well. I really don’t want her to kick me in the balls like she said she would. 

“Would you like to talk about what happened that day?” I ask her politely. 

She looks up from her cake and stares at me as if I have two heads. “Not to you.”

“Maybe I can help you,” I offer. “I am a police officer,” I remind her as if I wasn’t the one who threw her down in her front yard and handcuffed her. “Does that type of thing happen often with you and your boyfriend?” Maybe they like to fight. Maybe it’s like their foreplay. Believe me, I have seen some crazy shit. 

She places her fork on the white tablecloth and leans over to whisper, “I told you once and I’ll tell you again. Drop it. What happened was none of your business.” 

I reach out to softly rub her arm, and I feel it break out in goosebumps. “Does he hurt you?” I ask looking deep into her eyes. I’m being a total ass, and she knows it.

She jerks her arm away from me. “I had just got home that morning and was in a bad fucking mood,” she growls. 

Just gotten home? It was like seven in the morning. “What in the hell were you doing just getting home?” I demand. “Especially the way you were dressed.” I smile as I let the dickness come out. “Been out hooking all night? And your man got tired of having to share you?” The memory of her telling me that she wanted to fuck her man’s best friend is still fresh in my mind. And what a thought that is. 

I hear Samantha gasp as I watch Katherine’s eyes narrow on me. She reaches over to the table, and the next thing I know, she’s shoving her cake into my face. “Vas te faire encule salaud,” she hisses in my ear before I feel a cold liquid land in my lap. I can literally hear my cock sizzle as if she just put out a fire. Holy fuck, did she cuss at me in French? I think I just came.





Parker's Pussies Fan Page: http://goo.gl/uqO6HW



Shantel is a Texas born girl who now lives in Tulsa, Oklahoma with her high school sweetheart, who is a wonderful, supportive husband and their four year old little princess. She loves to spend time cuddled up on the couch with a good book
She has published five books in the Undescribable series and 2 books in the DASH series. She considers herself extremely lucky to get to be a stay at home wife and mother. Going to concerts and the movies are just a few of her favorite things to do. She hates coffee, but loves wine. She and her husband are both huge football fans, college and NFL. And she has to feed her high heel addiction by shopping for shoes weekly. 
Although she has a passion to write, her family is most important to her. She loves spending evenings at home with her husband and daughter, along with their two cats and dog.
You can also sign up for Shantel's Newsletter: http://goo.gl/GdXw8l